Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
