i permit you to call me
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
