nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
