Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
