So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
