Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
If I die, sorry about rent.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
