you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
They took my balls.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
