Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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