Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
