i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We need a shit load of segways right now
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
