shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
