Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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