just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
