found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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