I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
