We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
