My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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