Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
