so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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