i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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