you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
