sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
