the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
