Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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