So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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