I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
