three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
