Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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