1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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