What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
