OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
