Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
