Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I will be naked everywhere
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
