Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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