she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
