This is not my ceiling
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
