I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
