Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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