My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
