btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
where are you?
Hypothermia
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
