turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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