you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
