peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
