You're my little dorito
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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