and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You made out with two different species that night
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
