i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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