I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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