yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
