If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
