this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
