you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
