woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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