mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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