Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I cut my penus on the lid.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
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