Cold hands, warm shart.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
